Click: An Online Love Story
Lisa Becker
Fast approaching her 30th birthday and finding herself not married, not dating, and without even a prospect or a house full of cats, Renee Greene, the heroine of Click: An Online Love Story, reluctantly joins her best guy pal on a journey to find love online in Los Angeles. The story unfolds through a series of emails between Renee and her best friends (anal-compulsive Mark, the overly-judgmental Ashley and the over-sexed Shelley) as well as the gentlemen suitors she meets online. From the guy who starts every story with "My buddies and I were out drinking one night," to the egotistical "B" celebrity looking for someone to stroke his ego, Renee endures her share of hilarious and heinous cyber dates. Fraught with BCC's, FWD's and inadvertent Reply to All's, readers will root for Renee to "click" with the right man.
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***EXCERPT***
From: meet@choosejews.com/L’Chiam22 – January 14,
2011 – 5:54 AM
To: meet@choosejews.com/PRGal1981
Subject: Shalom
Shalom,
PRGal1981. Don’t know your real name…yet
:)
You
seem like a really smart and interesting person and I think we would have a lot
in common. I’m originally from New York
– Queens to be specific – but made Alliyah to Israel a little more than 8 years
ago. I had visited when I was 13 for my
Bar Mitzvah and felt a spiritual connection to the land and to my people. So,
when an opportunity came up to transfer from the Internet company I worked for
to the Tel Aviv office, I jumped at it.
When the Internet boom went bust, so did my job. But I decided to stay and found work as a
computer engineer for a software developer.
I
live in Tel Aviv and am looking for a spiritual woman to share a Jewish life
with.
From: Renee Greene – January 14, 2011 – 9:04 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Fwd: Shalom
Okay,
so I sent my profile in last night and thought I would take a chance that
someone emailed me this morning. Yes, I
know that seems egotistical thinking that someone would email me so quickly
after my profile was posted. And
considering it didn’t officially go online until 1:00 am, I’m not sure I want
to date anyone who was trolling the Internet for a date in the wee hours of the
morning. But, to be honest, I’m kind of
excited about the possibilities. Imagine
that. Me…being hopeful. Who knew?
Anyway, I was elated – yes, elated – to find I had a message. Hurrah!
Then I read it. He is very
religious, is looking for a “spiritual” woman and lives in Israel. Good lord!
(HA! Maybe that does indeed make me “spiritual” enough for this
guy.) Israel!!!
Okay,
don’t get me wrong. I have nothing
against Israel. I am one of the Chosen
People after all. And, apparently
“chosen” in more ways than one, huh? But
do you picture me living in an area where 1) Most people take the bus – I’m
from LA for goodness sake, where we LIVE in our cars. In fact, I have this theory that no one walks
in LA. But, we all own treadmills. So, even though it is nice all year long, we
won’t walk outside. We’d rather walk in
our houses. But, I digress. Back to what’s important here: 2) These buses
blow up into fiery messes; 3) And speaking of fiery messes, it is hot in
Israel. Yes, yes. It’s a dry heat. But you know what? A blast furnace is a dry heat. But it’s still HOT and I wouldn’t want to
live in it. Yeah, right. Like I’m going to start a relationship with
some man in Israel.
And,
he is so intense about Judaism. I
haven’t been to temple since my nephew’s baby naming three years ago. Oh, this would NEVER work. NEVER.
So,
how do I get out of this? Do I ignore
his message? Do I email back and say
thanks but no thanks? Yikes! I’m not sure what to do?
From: Shelley Manning – January 14, 2011 – 10:45 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Shalom
Step
1. Revise your profile. No spiritual junkies or out of towners
accepted.
Step
2. Email him back and tell him you are
not interested in a long distance thing.
Step
3. Laugh your ass off. He obviously does NOT know you.
Okay. So this one isn’t going to work out. But, to your point, it’s only been a few
hours. And, in this man’s defense, it’s
probably not 1:00 am his time. It’s like
two days later and early evening or something.
So, it is flattering that he thinks you are the funny, smart and…okay,
maybe not “spiritual” but certainly awesome…person that you really are. You’re going to get a TON of emails and have
your pick of tons of great guys. Just
you wait. Trust me.
Speaking
of great guy, going out again with The Cuddler tonight. Hoping to break him of his bad habits. I’m willing to use force if necessary. Hope he likes it rough ;) Gotta run. Evil corporate trolls demanding
reports. Call me tonight. Mwah! Mwah!
From: meet@choosejews.com/PRGal1981 – January 14,
2011 – 11:30 AM
To: meet@choosejews.com/ L’Chiam22
Bcc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Shalom back
Dear
L’Chiam22. Thank you very much for your nice email. I must confess yours is the first email I’ve
received. It’s quite flattering,
especially to have someone from so far away take an interest. Thank you.
But, I also must confess that I’m looking to meet someone local. So, best of luck in meeting that woman of
your dreams. I’m sure she’s out
there.
From: Shelley Manning – January 14, 2011 – 11:34 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Shalom back
Nicely
done, sweetie. Ever the diplomat.
From: Renee Greene – January 14, 2011 – 11:47 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Shalom back
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