Wanted: Wife
Gwen Jones
Andy Devine is advertising for a wife on a utility pole, and interviewing him is the last thing TV reporter Julie Knott needs. Especially after her cheating fiancé just tweeted their disengagement. Now she has got to choose: get the story—or become it?
Wanted: Wife
Landed, Financially Secure 40-Yr-Old Male
* Handsome, but with old-school communication skills and a secret past *
Seeks Healthy, Athletic Female
* Preferably a pretty reporter with a messy love life who has never spent a day in the woods *
For Marriage and Family
* What could possibly go wrong? *
Today I have to the blog Gwen Jones with what I thought to be a quite funny post in the fashion of "A Day in the Life..." I'm sure we have all been there, right?!? I think this book sounds like a lot of fun, and it's definitely on my radar. So sit back, check it out, and enter the giveaway at the bottom. Thanks for coming by!
*** GUEST POST ***
The
Morning this Writer had the Whole House to Herself
by Gwen Jones
I'll have the house to myself all
day, so I'll get up at the crack of dawn and hit my desk by 6:00 AM. I'll turn
off my phone, ignore my email, and do nothing but write. Oooh! I love it when I
can work in my jammies.
5:30 - Alarm rings. Roll over, hit snooze.
5:31 - Cat finds ball. Ignore tinkly bell and fall back asleep.
5:40 - Alarm rings again. Cat jumps on face. Swat at cat. Miss cat. Knock over alarm. Alarm stops by default. Pull pillow over head. Fall back to sleep.
5:44 - Dream of jingle bells.
5:49:58 - Cat pulls curtain and curtain rod from window, knocks alarm from night table.
5:50 - Alarm rings. Give up, get up and go to bathroom. Tinkly sound emanates from bedroom.
5:55 - Feed cat.
5:58 - Bowl of Cheerios and sliced banana. Get newspaper while cereal soggies.
6:03 - 6:14 - Front page, editorials, comics, horoscope. Take vitamins.
6:15 - 6:19 - "Morning Joe."
6:20 - 6:47 - Switch to TCM while "Joe" is on a commercial break and become embroiled in pre-code Jean Harlow/Clark Gable rom-com until cat leaps into window at neighbor's cat reminding you to look toward wall clock.
6:48 - Make cup of tea; visit bathroom while boiling, turning on laptop en route. Brush teeth. Spy book on back of toilet. Finish reading chapter started the night before.
6: 54 - Return book to back of toilet.
6:55 - Retrieve tea and head toward office.
6:56 - Visit several email accounts and return email, re: 3 student crises, web course designer, critique partner. Email agent. Sneak peek at Facebook, Twitter, check website.
7: 18 - Bring up work-in-progress. Shrink work-in-progress. Bring up FreeCell. One therapeutic game to get brain functioning. Or two. Three. Four at the most.
7:39 - Bring up work-in-progress. Remember need to look up nautical term first. Shrink WIP; go online, homepage, CNN. Check if world blew up the night before. Switch to Google. Find term. Check FB really quick. Check email. Answer email. One more FreeCell. Return to WIP.
8:07 - Emergency email from critique partner; another rejection. Forestall imminent artistic self-thrashing and proceed to buck-up. Check outgoing email for errors, grammatical and toe-stepping. Email is replied to in less than a minute. Send another buck-up complete with happy emoticons. Check Twitter.
8:47 - Return to WIP. Stomach growls. Go to kitchen and make toast, toss cat teeth crunchy treats. Stare out window at trash truck across the lake as toast toasts. Remember forgot to put out trash. Run out door in robe. Return to smoke alarm blaring from toast stuck in toaster. Open windows. Toss toast. Fan.
9:05 - Return to office and WIP. Email from agent. Need info. Retrieve info and email. Return to WIP. See cat had jumped on keyboard and now there's kmsadslvy]e0-vn'aey9-3 rya2932f all over page 78. 79. 80. 81---------------------
9:06 - 9:12 - Clean up WIP. Phone rings. Seems forgot to turn off phone.
9:13 - 9:51 - Chat and play solitaire.
9:52 - Return to WIP. Take sip of tea, notice it's cold. Go to kitchen to reheat tea. While heating eat forkful of cold spaghetti from fridge. One more. Another. Mmmm....
9:58 - Return to office. Pick up hand weights. Lift. Throw out back. Lay on floor to stretch out. Cat jumps on stomach. Yelp. Swat at cat. Miss. Cat circles head, purring. Melt.
10:10 - Remember forgot tea in microwave. Go to kitchen to retrieve. Spy calendar and see it's wrong day for trash on my street. Go to street to retrieve trash can so don't look like an idiot. Return to kitchen and retrieve tea. Cold again. Check MSNBC on TV as tea reheats. Go to HBO during commercial break.
Noon - Get up to retrieve tea as credits roll for "Get Him to the Greek." Dump tea; go to fridge and retrieve pot of spaghetti from fridge. Take to office, shrink WIP and go to Slate.com and read "Dear Prudence" while eating cold pasta with fingers. Phone rings. Still forgot to turn off. Chat while licking fingers.
12:49 - Find Lindt Dark Chocolate Truffle from old Christmas stash in desk while rearranging desk tray while still on the phone. Eat, toss wrapper at trash. Miss.
12:50 - Cat finds missed wrapper. Grabs in mouth. Runs from room.
12:51 - Hear a crashing sound from bedroom. Ring off from phone call. Go to bedroom. Jewelry box and entire contents is now on floor, truffle wrapper on top. Scoop contents, return to box, return box to dresser. Toss wrapper. Cat missing. Eye bed, still unmade.
12:52 - Call day a wash. Return to bed. Bed never so comfortable...
12: 59 - Cat finds ball.
Gwen Jones, after spending years writing several unpublishable novels, decided to learn what she was doing wrong or give it all up. So after earning an MFA in Creative Writing from Western Connecticut State University, she’s now so good they even allow her to teach there. An unabashed born-and-bred native of Southern New Jersey and the Jersey Shore, she lives with her husband, Frank, and the absolute cutest cat in the world, Gracie.
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